Aggh

Got an itch that you can't scratch? No matter how hard I try, I cannot fulfill that dark deep need. Its very frustrating and resting in the back of the head.

Getting a slight fever, still not too concerned, have to stay healthy while I finish school.

Got more DJing gigs, so thats good.

Yes..

I want to curl up in a ball of shame and disappear.

Fuck.

Still alive.. barely

Hookay. There are only two people who bother reading this, but that is all that matters.

As mentioned before..the stress had given me the flu, which later turned into hardcore full blown sickness. I spent most of the end of June sick and in the hospital. I returned home July 1st and spent the rest of the time in bed. Now that I am getting better..and soon able to return to work, I think I shall return to SL...maybe.

For obvious reasons I still want to avoid it. I want to stay clear of it. SL was a major reason I got sick...stress makes my condition worse. SL isnt worth putting my life in danger.. and even though its my fault for sticking it out this long with this issue -- now Im just terrified of being on it.

Though every fiber of me wants to sign on..tell my friends Im okay. Im doing well..Im not kicking the bucket just yet. Marcal already knows..but now I m lettig others know.

I will...slowly..ease back on SL. ...maybe

- Yu

..I shouldnt have come back

Seriously..I just started LIKING SL again...becoming more active, making a comeback.

I made a decision. I thought it would be best for everyone. I felt uneeded, unwanted..so I left my makeshift family without a scene, without a fuss.

Was that stupid.


The onslaught of "fuck you" messages I received offline wernt bad. I could handle those. IT was what came later. The guilt tripping. The pure and utter guilt tripping that made me hate myself to the very core.

So now what? I dont want to be on SL...again...and on top of that I gained a fever of 101 today...so I might have to take it easy.

Break Your Heart

Now I may not be the worst or the best
But you gotta respect my honesty
And I may break your heart
But I don't really think there's anybody as bomb as me
So you can take this chance, in the end
Everybody's gonna be wondering how you deal
You might say this is Ludacris
But Taio Cruz tell her how you feel


Now listen to me baby
Before I love and leave you
They call me heart breaker
I don't wanna deceive you

If you fall for me
I'm not easy to please
I might tear you apart
Told you from the start, baby from the start

I'm only gonna break break your, break break your heart
Whoa, whoa

There's no point trying to hide it
No point trying to evade it
I know I got a problem
Problem with misbehaving

If you fall for me
I'm not easy to please
I might tear you apart
Told you from the start, baby from the start

I'm only gonna break break your, break break your heart


That's all I'm gonna do woman
Listen now, I'm only gonna break your heart
And shatter and splatter it all into little bitty pieces
Whether or not you get it all together
Then its finder's keepers and losers weepers
See I'm not trying to lead you on
No I'm only trying to keep it real
You might say this is Ludacris
But Taio Cruz tell her how you feel


and I know karma's gonna get me back for being so cold
Like a big bad wolf I'm born to be bad and bad to the bone
If you fall for me I'm only gonna tear you apart
Told ya from the start

I'm only gonna break break your, break break your heart
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa

Drifting..

The Birthday was uneventful. Truth was, besides two people everyone else forgot. Not that I seem to mind, I was too tired from unpacking and this evaluation program that I wasn't in the mood to do anything.

SL feels so alien to me now. I dont know if I have spent that much time away, but as of now I do not enjoy it. Maybe I need to take a longer break..

....*collapses* ....